Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
