the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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