Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
