Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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