just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
