Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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