Im at strip club and am horny
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
