then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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