Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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