when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
