even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
my liver is dry heaving
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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