I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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