i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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