dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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