Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
