True but thats because hes a fetus.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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