My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
