so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
