I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
