girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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