you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
