a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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