So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
