May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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