We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i need some magic done to my vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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