a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
