You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
