The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
