I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
