she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
