my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
