dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
