Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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