im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
