rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
