New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
