You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
