I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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