before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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