I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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