the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
