Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
