You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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