wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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