He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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