you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
