Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
