I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
