I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
