I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just pee around me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
