So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
